Mommy Fails

I forgot to add in Ava's 5 month post that she got her first cold. It was the saddest thing and all my fault. I went to the gym twice last week after a [very] long hiatus. I [stupidly] put her in the gym child care for the first time, all while thinking to myself Wouldn't it be just horrible if she got sick from her first child care experience, just in time for Cabo? Yes. Yes it would. Here she is at Chrissi & Adam's wedding all rosy-cheeked, chaff-nosed and all together lethargic...

Heartbreaking. On Sunday evening Mark and I just sat in our dark hotel room with the curtains drawn. I held Ava as her eyes seeped and she tried to sleep with her first stuffy nose and got teary-eyed myself. I prayed that God would restore her back to health and thanked Him that a common cold is what I get to worry about while other mothers are holding their infant's hands through surgeries and cancer and other horrible, heartbreaking things. She ended up sleeping 17[!] hours that night, 4pm-9am. And woke up a new baby. Yay! Then Mark and I got it. I'm fine now but watching him wake up after only four hours of sleep in between shifts to go in again, sick, makes me feel so bad for getting my family sick. I know she's going to catch colds. Therefore we're going to catch colds. But it still makes me sad and feel responsible. If you're wondering; no, the yoga class, steam room, and uniterrupted shower; while enjoyable, were not worth it.

The next "mommy fail" was actually kind of funny. I'm not a proponent of "cry it out" when my baby is in her crib crying hysterically, but I am all for allowing her to "fuss it out" or what my good friend Becky calls "sort it out." The night before last, Ava had been asleep for about four hours when I heard her start to fuss through the baby monitor. I was enjoying a much-deserved Magnum bar and glass of chardonnay and it only lasted about two minutes before she went back to sleep and it was quiet again so I didn't go in to check on her. About an hour later I'm heading up to bed and think I should check on her, but the door is creaky and I don't want to risk waking her up so I wash my face and brush my teeth instead. As I walk by her room again I think, I should really check on her. And this is what I saw...

Doh!

I've found myself praying for grace more often in my five months of being a mother than in any other time in my life.