Friday, December 31, 2010
Monday, December 27, 2010
Oh! Just What I Wanted!
We'll post ultrasound pics as soon as we get them scanned in, but I had to express how just plain happy I am that we're having a girl. The feeling of getting exactly what I wanted is exhilarating.
I'm humbled that the God of the universe would take my requests into account. He's given me the desire of my heart and I'm so humbled and thankful. He didn't have to do that, but did. James 1:17 has come to mind over and over again this week. It says, "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights..."
You know those moments where you just can't believe how amazing your life has turned out? That's been me for the last... well, three years. I've always been blessed, but God has outdone Himself in the last couple of years. And now this, I've been walking around with a goofy smile on my face for days. I'm beside myself. Giddy!
I'm excited about a lot of things when it comes to having a baby girl. I've been doing a lot of planning and dreaming in my mind since before we even knew she was a she; but mostly I'm excited about the daddy she's going to have. It makes me tear up when I think about all the love she's going to be drenched in by him. Much like I got from my own dad. What a gift.
I surprised Mark with a cake that said "It's a girl!" the night we found out. I got him champagne and Martinellis for me ; )
I'm humbled that the God of the universe would take my requests into account. He's given me the desire of my heart and I'm so humbled and thankful. He didn't have to do that, but did. James 1:17 has come to mind over and over again this week. It says, "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights..."
You know those moments where you just can't believe how amazing your life has turned out? That's been me for the last... well, three years. I've always been blessed, but God has outdone Himself in the last couple of years. And now this, I've been walking around with a goofy smile on my face for days. I'm beside myself. Giddy!
I'm excited about a lot of things when it comes to having a baby girl. I've been doing a lot of planning and dreaming in my mind since before we even knew she was a she; but mostly I'm excited about the daddy she's going to have. It makes me tear up when I think about all the love she's going to be drenched in by him. Much like I got from my own dad. What a gift.
I surprised Mark with a cake that said "It's a girl!" the night we found out. I got him champagne and Martinellis for me ; )
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Recent Highlights
1. I look pregnant. And please don't tell me I didn't. I get irritated when people say, "I thought you said you popped?! You can hardly even tell you're pregnant." Because this is not normal.
2. I feel GREAT. Like pre-pregnancy great. I have energy, can eat more than Asiago cheese bagels from Panera, and don't even want to bite the head's off innocent strangers and husbands for no apparent reason at all. Praise the baby Jesus! I started getting a little panicky there when I was waiting for that second trimester energy boost to kick in and instead week 12 and 13 were some of my most lethargic and I started puking for the first time. Ya, that's a story. It involves loosing it on the very popular 2nd Street in Long Beach THREE times, not one of which I managed to make it to one of the trash cans they have on every block. Ooops. It was 10am on a Saturday morning after taking down an original-sized Jamba Juice. That's when you wish they made t-shirts that said, "I'm not still drunk from the night before, I'm pregnant.
3. We have our anatomy and gender ultrasound appointment scheduled. We'll know our fate on Dec. 20th. We're not one of those couples that say we don't care what gender the baby is. We both really want a girl and aren't very good at hiding it if one is supposed to. Maybe it's because Mark's family is all boys and it's time for a girl Russell, or maybe it's because Makayla was (is) a girl, and she's the closest thing we've been to being a family of three, or because my idea of a boy is my brother; rowdy and a bit of a hooligan at times. Although I will say, I'm becoming more and more team "as long as the baby's healthy" the closer we get to knowing, which is a relief, because I really, really didn't want to cry in front of the ultrasound tech.
...still praying for pink.
4. I can feel the baby move. I can only feel it from the inside, not with my hand's on my tummy yet, and only tiny little movements, but it's still an incredible feeling. I love the reminder that this is all really happening, that something really is growing and living inside of me.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Top 10 Reasons Why I Need A Girl Baby
1. The name Ava.
2. These shower invites.
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3. Lots and lots of headbands with ridiculously large bows. Black and white damask bows. I'll take her little pout too, please.
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| 4. Dream Big Little Girl decal for the nursery. |
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| 5. This frame. |
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| 6. But with "Ava Shay" or "Ava Kate" |
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| 7. These funky/fun pillows on the rocking chair in the nursery. |
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| 8. More ridiculously large bows on headbands. | 9. Because I want one and always have. |
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| 10. This. |
Cleaning is my Love Language
In case your wondering, my house has looked the same since the break down(s) you read about in the previous post. Until Wednesday that is. I worked until 9:30pm that night and called Mark on my way home. He informed me that he had cleaned the house. I could hear the smile, and pride, in his voice through the phone. This should have been great news to me. I should have been ecstatic. But you see, my idea of clean and Mark's idea is clean is, shall we say, different. His idea of cleaning the house is really more like "tidying up." He's great at clearing the items off the counter tops, coffee table and floor, but stops short of wiping the surfaces, vacuuming the carpet or mopping the floors.
Since I was really in no place to judge anyone's standards of cleanliness at that point in time, I said a sincere "Thank you, baby" and reminded myself to be gracious towards his efforts when I got home, even if it wasn't the sparkling cleaning job I craved, but couldn't quite muster the energy to achieve myself. I got home and was shocked, surprised, and just plain blessed. The boy CLEANED. Like scrubbed, disinfected, and organized shelves and rooms that I've been avoiding for months. I could just about see my reflection in the bathtub. I could have cried, and looking back now, I'm surprised I didn't as that's my usual M.O. these days. I couldn't stop kissing him. And then it hit me. Cleaning is my love language. Words of affirmation? Eh. Quality time? It's nice. Physical touch? Sometimes. Receiving gifts? Sure. Acts of service? If it's cleaning, YES! YES! YES! I really don't think I've felt that loved since our wedding day.
It spoke, and continues to speak, volumes to me that he would not just clean, but clean the way he knew would bless me the most. It was up to me to think of what would really show love to him, his way. The ball was in my court. Let's just say he got some positive reinforcement that night and the house has looked great ever since. A win/win. I think we're on to something.
Since I was really in no place to judge anyone's standards of cleanliness at that point in time, I said a sincere "Thank you, baby" and reminded myself to be gracious towards his efforts when I got home, even if it wasn't the sparkling cleaning job I craved, but couldn't quite muster the energy to achieve myself. I got home and was shocked, surprised, and just plain blessed. The boy CLEANED. Like scrubbed, disinfected, and organized shelves and rooms that I've been avoiding for months. I could just about see my reflection in the bathtub. I could have cried, and looking back now, I'm surprised I didn't as that's my usual M.O. these days. I couldn't stop kissing him. And then it hit me. Cleaning is my love language. Words of affirmation? Eh. Quality time? It's nice. Physical touch? Sometimes. Receiving gifts? Sure. Acts of service? If it's cleaning, YES! YES! YES! I really don't think I've felt that loved since our wedding day.
It spoke, and continues to speak, volumes to me that he would not just clean, but clean the way he knew would bless me the most. It was up to me to think of what would really show love to him, his way. The ball was in my court. Let's just say he got some positive reinforcement that night and the house has looked great ever since. A win/win. I think we're on to something.
Monday, November 15, 2010
(Reluctantly) Letting go of Perfect
I go to bed at 8:30pm now. We got an invitation to a friend's birthday party that started at 9pm on Saturday. My first thought was, "Now who in the world starts a party at 9:30pm?" Oh ya, me about 13 1/2 weeks ago. I fell asleep at our friends house a couple of weeks ago while they were all carving pumpkins, before their 2 year old's bedtime. I keep waiting for that burst of energy I'm supposed to get now that I'm ending the first trimester and entering into the second. And waiting, and waiting, and waiting. Yesterday as I was watching The Real Housewives of Atlanta for. six. hours. The thought crossed my mind that perhaps my energy was back, but I'm just so used to taking it easy (read: being lazy) that I'm now in a slump and hadn't even realized it's homecoming, let alone celebrated it. And if not, then what about faking it 'til I make it? "Making it" would include doing something, anything, other than working, sleeping or eating. The house hadn't been cleaned in two weeks, I hadn't grocery shopped in that long either. We’re out of toilet paper. Using napkins. I've been to the gym only once in that time span. It was worth a try. So with my best pep talk, I willed myself to get off the coach and clean one room. You know, small goals, baby steps, to make it seem more manageable. I made three valiant attempts, I really did. Except each one ended with me crying as soon as I got up and falling back on the coach in a weepy, pathetic heap. I didn't even make it into the other room.
These are the times when I hear voices in my head saying things like, "I knew this would happen. I knew I’d loose control and fall apart, that the house would turn into a disaster, that Mark would be working a 32 hour shift on my day off, and here we are." My thinking then degrades to, "If I can't hack it now, before the baby's even here, how in the world do I think I'll be able to do all this once s/he arrives." My mind spins with scenes of working full-time, on a lot less sleep, with a baby to take care of. I have to battle those voices and images and counter them with things like, "You're right, you're not in control, but God is. And wouldn't you rather Him be in control than your weak little self right about now?" Yes. Yes, I would. I wish I had the will and energy to get everything back on track on my own. But I don't. And I have a feeling I'm right where I'm supposed to be. Unable to do it on my own. Utterly dependent on God. That was yesterday. Today is a new day. I'm going to do what I can and leave the rest to God. Trusting He'll give me the the exact amount of strength, exactly when I need it and letting good enough be the new perfect in the Russell household. I love perfect, so this is not easy, but it's where I'm at right now, without much of a choice but to go with it. Wish me luck.
These are the times when I hear voices in my head saying things like, "I knew this would happen. I knew I’d loose control and fall apart, that the house would turn into a disaster, that Mark would be working a 32 hour shift on my day off, and here we are." My thinking then degrades to, "If I can't hack it now, before the baby's even here, how in the world do I think I'll be able to do all this once s/he arrives." My mind spins with scenes of working full-time, on a lot less sleep, with a baby to take care of. I have to battle those voices and images and counter them with things like, "You're right, you're not in control, but God is. And wouldn't you rather Him be in control than your weak little self right about now?" Yes. Yes, I would. I wish I had the will and energy to get everything back on track on my own. But I don't. And I have a feeling I'm right where I'm supposed to be. Unable to do it on my own. Utterly dependent on God. That was yesterday. Today is a new day. I'm going to do what I can and leave the rest to God. Trusting He'll give me the the exact amount of strength, exactly when I need it and letting good enough be the new perfect in the Russell household. I love perfect, so this is not easy, but it's where I'm at right now, without much of a choice but to go with it. Wish me luck.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
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